Posted in Articles, Creative Solutions For You

My Kids Are Draining Me!

It’s always a confusing matter for parents, particularly mothers, when they feel they give their kids a lot of privileges, and therefore, deserve some cooperation, appreciation and respect from their kids in return. Yet, in reality, this doesn’t happen the way we think it should. Kids who get their needs and wants met all the time may feel entitled to even more, because – to them -that seems to the norm. Consequently, parents may feel resentful for kids’ lack of respect of parents’ generosity and continuous demands, and may punish them by taking away some of the privileges they give them.

Generally, kids need to understand they are part of the family, and that the parents can entertain them during ‘their’ time, but after that, it’s “parent’s time” or “adults’ time” . Kids may not like this first but then, they may understand that they have a share of the parents’ time, but not all of it. This – in return – helps the parents retrieve their individual emotional balance, in order to help them regain their energy, which they need to  lead a healthy life.

I’ received an article by the Love & Logic magazine, titled “Taking Away Privileges VS. Energy Drain Technique”. It advocates using a technique, called Energy Drain Technique, which helps parents explain to their kids that they drain mom or dad’s energy when they misbehave or don’t listen. They need to put back energy into their mom or dad by doing things, like helping mom or dad clear the table, wash the dishes, sweep the floor, taking a nap, etc. It teaches kids to take responsibility for their actions, as they consider the consequences of their actions on their parents.

Parents can tell their kids what helps them retrieve some of their energy that was drained as a result of their misbehaving or naughty actions. Sometimes, a child can demand constant attention from his/ her parent. Here, this parent can explain to the child that constant catering to the child’s demands can drain their energy. By asking the child to play on their own, this can retrieve some of the parent’s lost energy.

I found this technique very helpful. Clearly, if it’s not suitable for you, you don’t need to follow it. There’s no perfect parenting or parents. Life is so dynamic, and we only test ways to help improve our quality of parenting, and our as well as our kids’ mental and emotional well-being.

Enjoy!

 

Taking Away Privileges VS. Energy Drain Technique
Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts

Dear Razan,
 
Today I am responding to a question that was posted on the Love and Logic Facebook page.
“Ok, I need some help here. I cannot get my kids to stay in bed after I put them to bed. They come out 5 times a night to go to the bathroom, open my bedroom door to ask questions, and are loud and wake people up. No matter how many privileges I take away, they are still coming out.”
After reading this question, I have some guesses, and several suggested strategies to try.
GUESS NUMBER ONE
This parent answers the kids’ questions when they call out from the bedroom and reminds/begs them to stay in the room. This encourages them to continue doing that.
It helps to put the kids to bed with this statement: “You’ve had your time, now it’s my time to rest up.” When they open the door to ask questions, they don’t get answers because this is the parent’s time. Don’t reward them by answering. Remember that this is now “your time.”
GUESS NUMBER TWO
This parent tries to stay calm while dealing with this problem.
Don’t believe the myth that Love and Logic parents are always calm and sweet. Love and Logic parents are calm when delivering consequences, but they are human and their voices are sometimes stern and forceful when necessary.
If one of these children comes out of their room they are met with a parent who gets right in their face and orders them back into the room. The voice is low, determined, and unpleasant. “Bad decision! You get back in that room! This is my time! See you in the morning.”
TAKING AWAY PRIVILEGES VS. ENERGY DRAIN TECHNIQUE
Love and Logic does not teach parents to take away privileges as a disciplinary technique. We use the Energy Drain Technique instead. Even though it is similar, the wording creates a different thought process.
If any of these children were to come out of the room for a second time, they would hear, “Bad decision! That’s draining my energy! You’re going to need to put that energy back tomorrow. I’ll let you know how in the morning. Now, back to bed!” If necessary they are physically escorted back to the room.
Plan on consistently using this approach. Expect the kids to keep testing you on it for a while, but don’t give in. Keep it simple.
If you are not an expert at using the Energy Drain Technique, order and listen to the audio, Love and Logic Magic When Kids Drain Your Energy. 
Occasionally we have strong-willed children who need a Strategic Training Session. I will write about that in the near future.
Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.
Jim Fay
©2012 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065.
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Author:

Hi, I am Coach Razan Kilani. I am certified by the International Coach Federation as a PCC. I have coached over 35 clients for over 1500 hours. I love my work! It's been such an honor for me to share my clients' lives, troubles, achievements and precious moments. Together, we nurtured their paths and mine towards success and happiness. My job interprets who I am and very much enables me to fulfill my innermost values in life, such as giving, understanding, respecting, caring and going on perseveringly. I established Wisdom Within Consultancy over 6 years ago, and has catered to wide ranges of my clients, of all ages, circumstances, and challenges. At Wisdom Within Consultancy, we offer Emotional Intelligence highly Certified Coaching to individuals and groups, comprising all ages and different fields of work. We coach business groups, yet we do focus on the person interacting in the different aspects of his or her life (parenting, relationship and work). Coach Razan empowers you to achieve goals you have always wanted to achieve, and to overcome obstacles that are hindering your progress in life and work. With over 6 years of international experience, I would love to support you to find your inner voice, and live the life you wish to live, in order to be happy, successful and content. Contact me on razan_kilani@hotmail.com and begin your life changing journey! If you feel stuck in any way, then Wisdom Within Coaching can help you. Low self-confidence, work-life balance, emotional intelligence, social anxiety, weight loss, reducing your social and emotional anxiety and stress, improving your or your employees' performance, finding time to meditate or to spend time with your loved ones and if you need help in realizing your dream goals, get the work you want, etc. then please contact us on wisdomwithinconsultancy@yahoo.ca. We can help you get unstuck and move toward the life you really want to live from now on. Join us!

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