I’ve been wondering all day what makes one say “Enough is enough”?
When does one draw the line between what’s been going on in the past and what will happen in the future?
Where does the decisions to stop accepting old patterns, conjure up a long-awaited strength, and look for a better alternative, come from?
Does it come from our hearts, minds or souls? Or is it a mixture of all?
I recall in the past that whenever I didn’t listen to my intuition, which was telling me to do or reject doing something, I always ended up regretting it. Therefore, a long time ago, I learned that whenever there was a contradiction between my heart and mind, to always follow my intuition (i.e. heart or hunch).
The mind can be tricked yet it is there to serve a purpose. Most people across history have believed that emotions are there to delude us; that following them leads to misery. Therefore, mind has always been given the preference and the value to be labelled as ‘the decision-maker’ and the ‘manager’ of everything that has been going on in our brains.
Yet, what is science is proving nowadays is that the most authentic resource of our true preferences towards matters comes from our emotions. They are like miraculously individual inner compasses that are not lured or affected by opinions, appearances, benefits, etc. Each person has an inner compass that points in an independent direction that is not ruled by society or one’s mind. It talks to us through the inner hunches we may experience. That is why it is such a waste of resource and chance for authenticity to ignore those hunches, and follow what you think is ‘logical’, just because your mind is telling you so.
Listening to one’s mind is like relying on a traffic controller to shepherd your thoughts through directions it thinks they logically fit into. However, combining both, emotions and mind power, one can harness two key resources that can best lead us toward what we really want and align them with where we truly wish to go.
Our minds may force us to accept ‘realities’ as a given, and they may lead us to seek and follow a path that deep inside we may not want to be moving in. Our emotions never sleep or lie. They’re always there, and they tell us what our honest attitudes are toward things, yet we mostly choose not to listen to them out of fear to lose our way. Society has created this fear, but has it really allowed us to listen to our own intuition about things? Are we aware enough of our values and life purpose, to an extent where we’d prefer to listen to our inner compasses as opposed to just go with the flow or moving on autopilot?
I believe that no matter how much we may repress our inner hunches (intuition, true selves, etc.), they eventually come forward in a form of rebellion against our own brains and lives. This is where we may choose to draw the line between what we thought was good, and what we really want to be doing instead.
So what do you think? When would you draw the line and decide enough is enough?
Many times following my coaching sessions with my coachees, the same question keeps going around in my head: Why do we tie up our own hands?
Regardless of the circumstances or the context of the coaching I would be working on with my coachees, a truth always stands out before my very eyes.
A one-sided humiliating relationship mistaken for a loving two-way relationship; a client who thinks just because she’s been away from the work market, she would not fit there again despite the fact that she’s been receiving non-stop job offers during her stay at home; another guy who thinks he is not as good as others, and therefore, cannot possibly compete with his rivals, and so on. The examples are diverse, but they highlight the same fact that I discern over and over again: We are tying up our own hands with a pair of non-existent cuffs. I use the word ‘exist’, because in most cases, they are intangible, and may not even exist in their day-to-day reality. They’re mostly driven by the fear of the unknown. I too am guilty of holding myself back every now and then, because of fear.
One of the blessings in life is that people come from different backgrounds, as this allows them to see other people’s experiences from a totally fresh point of view. If I had the same fears towards their problems as they did, I would not be able to motivate them in anyway. However, the mere fact that every person has a unique perspective towards what they hear and see, reinforces my sense of confidence in that I can help more people every time, which renews my sense of life purpose, and re-ignites my passion to help others.
Coaching is the best career step I have ever made in my life. It ties in together all my previous experiences, and allows me to align with my values and goals. It feels so great when you’re able to achieve a shift in perspective for your coachees. There’s nothing more worthy than to invest in human beings. I choose to do this, as opposed to investing in money as a life purpose. In return for work, I am gaining friendships, and in return of a fortune, I am gaining enough money to make me feel the achievement I am attaining every step of the way.
When I listen to these people’s stories, a voice in my head says: Regardless of the context, we limit their actions towards our goals, due to the strategies of fear that only we know their details, and we do that in prevention of a probable danger (criticism, bully, losses, etc.), mostly an unknown and a non-existent one in the external reality (as opposed to our internal sense of reality).
Byron Katie talks in one of her seminars about the culture of fear that parents and caregivers plant in children’s minds, thinking they are teaching these young souls to be more careful so they stay away from danger. Yet, they don’t teach them that getting hurt and falling down is part of life, and that danger is just as realistic as the floor they’re jumping on.
However, the difference between what parents teach their kids earlier in their lives, and what they (kids growing up into adults) suffer from eventually is that earlier in their lives, the source of instilling those fears was present and dominant, i.e. the parent/ caregiver was mostly standing around the child, and taking care of him/her.
Yet, it seems that as people grow older, they stop needing that teacher of fear to be physically present around them to remind them of those fears. Adults practice what they had learned as kids automatically. This is what I call “tying our own hands with non-existent cuffs”. Whether consciously or subconsciously, these fears are valid and existent (at least in the person’s mind), and because I may have a unique perspective on things, I can’t see these threats affecting me. Not feeling threatened by what threatens other people can help one feel grateful and more confident that I can help them. Simply by hearing a different insight, the listeners may achieve a major shift in their views to certain matters. They start to see how their fears are inside their heads and hearts, and they had been inflicting pain, stress and anxiety upon every part of their bodies. This applies to me. Helping others helps me realize my own fears and feelings, and that’s the beauty of investing in people.
When people create different understandings of pain, hurt, fear, pessimism, rage, anger, disappointment, etc, as the destinations they never wish to get to, in most cases, they end up dwelling there anyway.These people go on their lives carrying their loads of negative emotions toward things that had happened to them in their lives, or toward people who had caused them. However, the difference between this and adult fear is that when one is young, there’s somebody nagging him/her with such negative thoughts.
Despite the painful period of anxiety and stress, it can be undone, mainly by gaining more awareness around them and acting upon motivation. A heightened awareness can lift those invisible cuffs and worries off of our hands and minds. Coupled with a willingness to overcome those fears, it can have a major effect on our lives.
Byron Katie goes on to describe the sheer joy kids experience upon overcoming an adventure. Kids thrive upon delving into the unknown with a completely fresh mind and an energized soul, yearning for more life and adventure. If protecting ourselves from danger is the guarantee of happiness and success, then most cautious and long-living individuals must be the happiest people on earth.
Dr. Suzan Jeffers talks in her book, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway, that a good way to combat a feeling of imprisonment or blockage due to some fears we have, we can say to ourselves: “I’ll handle it”. So, when feeling afraid of committing to a certain action, we can say to our brains: If this (failure, hurt, disappointment) happens, I’ll handle it. The brain takes on whatever we tell it. So if we consciously overcome our fears around some things, then our brains can translate that into action in many cases.
We are born with an innate passion for adventure and experimentation as the result is mostly fun. Yet, as we grow older and are required to act and think in certain socially acceptable frameworks, we may well allow our personal fears turn into cuffs that we accept as limitations to limit ourselves and our potential, in prevention of some unobservable danger.
Remember the image of these two kids jumping into the deep blue sea with total eagerness, energy and optimism. If these kids stop to think of the dangers, they would never experience the fun of such exciting dive. They may get hurt or they may not, but that wouldn’t stop them. That wouldn’t have stopped us when we were their age.
Think of what happened that made you change. Gauge if adventure is needed sometimes to gain some real success in your life. Prepare, plan and prevent danger, but don’t let it stop you from fulfilling your passion.
Free your hands from your invisible cuffs, and take a dive into the unknown. You can only expect more learning and more excitement.
- What Are You Afraid Of? (selling4aliving.com)
- Don’t let and fear get in the way of your dreams! (discoversuraiya.wordpress.com)
- How to build better confidence: 5 effective steps! (theselfloveblog.com)
- Self Sabotage!! (themodernhippy.wordpress.com)
- Fear (possibleself.wordpress.com)
- There’s Nothing to Fear, But…Aw Heck Aren’t We All Afraid Sometime?? (ltrs2mom.com)
- Achieving Success: Top 6 Steps in Overcoming The Fear of Success (achievesuccessacademy.wordpress.com)
A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.
Who’s this traveler? Why did Lao Tzu say that despite that he has no fixed plans, he is not intent on arriving?
How could that be? Is the quote promoting recklessness and enjoying the unlimited fun of adventures in traveling? What does Lao Tzu mean with traveling in this quote?
All these are valid questions but the beauty of the quote lies in the provocation it causes to the mind. How could a traveler not prepare for his trip and yet enjoy not arriving to his destination?
Life is an exciting journey, which is very similar to traveling. You prepare yourself each day and leave your home to a destination on a mission. During your journey, you encounter people, matters and challenges. You may or may not understand those people well enough to fathom why they do what they do. Others you feel you know by heart. Similarly, some of the obstacles you understand their nature, and thus, you deal with them, sometimes on daily basis. Others you stress about for a while until you find the proper solution.
One of the first principles of gaining clarity in your vision is to “know thyself”, as Socrates once said. Your thoughts dictate your actions, as Dr. Wayne Dyer always explains. So if you form enough knowledge around who you are, what your values, goals and life purpose are, and what your triggers are, the rest may just be understanding what the person in front of you wants and how you can provide that for them.
Knowing thyself spares one a lot of hardship and heartache, because once one understands matters for what they really are, and not what they are ‘supposed to be’, then, reality becomes more acceptable, and your choice of actions may be more relevant to it.
This sounds all too easy, but in application, it is the most purifying action one can do to rid one’s soul of the poisonous feelings, like anger, pain, hurt, fear, sadness, frustration and disappointment.
It’s very important that we keep checking in with ourselves to better understand how we are feeling around a certain matter, what we are thinking of it, and what actions to choose to make that would suit that particular situation. People who develop self-awareness as a key skill in their daily living, thinking and feeling are better able to cope with the different circumstances, to which they are subjected. Navigating their emotions towards matters that show up in their lives, coupled with optimism, provides a safe strategy for them to learn and move on, instead of stagnating in negative emotions (like fear, sadness, etc.)
Good travelers, as Lao Tzu says, overcome adversity as it shows up, hence, they do not need fixed plans as they know which direction they are walking. They can adapt to different circumstances, and continue to move on towards their goals with a renewed determination each time. Such travelers are not obsessed with whether or not they are reaching their destination, because they enjoy learning from the lessons they come across on their journey. They believe more learning leads to more fitness and joy in life.
Some tips on how to be a good traveler in your daily life
- Don’t stagnate and always make an informed move: Solving a problem, finding inner peace, and overcoming challenges lie in the kind of choices you make. If you choose to evade making an action, you’ll stagnate (zero traveling), and you may never attain your goals. Settling with being inside your comfort zone is an unproductive conception that does not lead anywhere. Don’t be afraid to make an informed move, as it is your vehicle toward reaching where you want to be.
- Navigate your emotions wisely: Contemplate a problem from all its corners, consider what your thoughts and feelings are around it, then follow the direction your inner compass (hunch) is pointing to.
- Don’t think of matters from an absolute point of view: The more you isolate different factors, happenings and obstacles, the more you are convincing your brain that what caused your progress to stop was just a temporary thing, and continue to proceed repeatedly with your plan of actions.
- Exercise positive thinking: Always consider at least two ways of looking at the same thing, especially when you have negative emotions towards it. Positive thinking is a habit that trains the brain to generate solutions instead of settling with a false sense of a defected reality.
“The only place where your dream becomes impossible is in your own thinking.” — Robert H. Schuller
Copyright 2012 Wisdom Within Consultancy. All Rights Reserved for Wisdom Within Consultancy, Wisdom Within Coaching.
Do you catch yourself sometimes when you are exhibiting classic signs of nervousness, like shaking your leg while standing or sitting down, feeling a faint trembling in your hands and a fast-palpitating heart, biting your nails, or feeling out of breath and a tightness of chest?
We may have become so used to experiencing these feelings that we have stopped feeling them anymore. Our lives have taken a fast pace and so have we, in terms of responding to daily chores, duties and tasks.
Nervousness can be caused by several causes, to list a few:
- Having been upset previously by someone, yet you have been too busy to respond to them and sort things out. However, you are still carrying the negative emotion at heart.
- Having so many things to do during the limited hours of the day, which gives you a fake sensation that that day will last forever and so will your energy; that you got plenty of time to do whatever you have to do, in addition to extra matters that come up.
- Knowing you can’t accept anymore chores yet you can’t say No to whoever is assigning them to you. Therefore, you end up carrying more than you can bear.
- Wishing to achieve a certain goal, which you remind yourself of every day, yet you keep getting distracted by other matters, which can sometimes be even more urgent than the goal you had set for yourself.
Whatever is causing to subconsciously feel nervous has to be addressed in conscious mode. “The subconscious is a child”, as Byron Katie says, and it believes whatever we are telling it. Therefore, if we gain more awareness around this state of feeling and being (nervousness), we may have more control over our prioritizing mechanism, and the choices that we make on daily basis.
Here are some of the ways, through which you can develop the habit of catching yourself regularly exhibiting signs of stress or nervousness:
- Have a Stop-And-Leave-Your-Spot technique: Always keep checking with yourself on how you feel at that point of the day. As soon as you catch your leg shaking and you feel your blood boiling up to hit the top point of your head, make sure to leave the place where you are (your desk, house, car, etc.) and moving to another spot, where it is safe, refreshing and different. Ask yourself about 3 things: How do you feel? What are your thoughts around the matter in mind? And what are/were the actions corresponding with your feelings and thoughts?
- Do something nice for yourself at least once a day: Keep reminding yourself of it. It does not have to be costly or requires further planning. It can be a simple flower with the color and style that you like.
- Do something nice for other people at least once a day: Doing something nice to others always makes us feel great. It also reminds us of how connected we are to other people, whether they are family or not. Listening can be one effective and inexpensive way to do so.
- Remind yourself of the good things that come your way at the time you go to bed. Never allow anyone to deprive you from your Before-Bedtime thoughts. This is a great opportunity for you to become aware of the day’s events and news, connect with your spiritual self (larger self) through contemplation, which often enables to generate creative solutions to certain problems in your mind.
- Keep reminding yourself of who you are and who you always want to be: You are unique, and so is everyone around you. Do not allow comparing yourself to others to block you, and do not allow comparing others to you make you feel superior. Either way, you are blocking yourself automatically because you are disconnecting from your larger self, larger life purpose.
- Finally, Remember Your Thoughts Translate Into Action: You are what you think, as Dr. Wayne Dyer said repeatedly. The way you thinking of yourself, your life, your kids, etc. is what you are going to have constantly. So end the vicious cycle of self-criticism, pessimism and fear, and try to contemplate more positive concepts about yourself and your life.
You are a truly unique person. If you do not think so, a coach can definitely help you arrive to this proven conclusion.
~~ Cheers ~~